Saturday, August 28, 2010


Remember earlier this week when I was waiting for the bus?  And there was that crazy guy jumping out of bushes and picking and eating cocoplums?  Yeah.  Well, a few days later I was walking down the beach and who pops out of the woodwork?  COCOPLUMMER.  He totally shanghaied me and insisted on joining me on my walk.  Awesome.  He told me a little about himself:  his name is Adrian and is from Atlanta, actually Decatur.  Here is what I am thinking: [Really??? Because you have the thickest Bahamian accent I have ever heard (translation: I actually need a translator because I have no idea what you are saying, EVER!).]  But what I actually say is, "Really, you're from Atlanta?  You have such a strong accent."  Adrian: "Well, I used to live in Miami."  [Ohhh, that explains it... NOT.]  I continue to push the issue and he finally tells me that he was born here in the Bahamas and just moved back in April because he missed it so much.  Then he began his sob story.  He is looking for jobs.  His rent is such-and-such amount per month.  He is behind on his rent.  Apparently he must've thought I looked like an ATM.  He kept asking me if I was planning on getting lunch or a drink, suggesting that I buy him one as well.  I don't think so, buster. 

He followed me around for a little while.  At one point he pulled some deodorant out of his back pocket and asked if I would put it in my purse for him.  Me: "No, I will not."  [But thanks for asking, Adrian.  I really appreciate it.  Please leave me alone now, sketchball.]  He followed me around the crowded resort down the beach and into Port Lucaya, a busy area with lots of shops and restaurants, for a little while longer.  He showed me the marina and several watering holes (of course asking me many times if I wanted to get a drink.)  Finally I told my new bestie that I did not have a job either, and therefore had no money to spend.  I told him it was time for me to meet my husband and that I was going to walk over to school to meet him.  He had already told me many times that he thought I was crazy for walking around so much when it was so hot, so I knew this would throw him off -- it did.  But before he left for the bus stop, Adrian gave me some sage advice:  "Don't trust anyone you don't know.  Don't get in cars with strangers.  Don't go in any secluded places with strangers.  Be safe, Clare."  [Thank you Adrian.  I do not trust you, I would never get in a car with you, and I would never go anywhere even slightly less than crowded with you.  Now leave me alone.]  He also asked that I pray to the Lord that he gets a job.  You bet I will -- I can't handle anymore shanghaied afternoon walks.  So, do us all a favor, and please, say a prayer that Adrian finds a job... FAST!

*HYOD = Hold Your Own Deodorant

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